“Love Languages” in the Workplace
Relax… this isn’t a piece on workplace romance ;)
Have you heard of the 5 love languages?
It was first introduced in 1992 by Gary Chapman in his book by the same name “The 5 Love Languages”.
Though his original intent was to help couples with their relationships…
I want you to know that these same 5 love languages can apply not only to romantic relationships… but in all relationships,
including workplace relationships.
Now before you go and close this tab or dismiss this as creepy or inappropriate for the workplace… hear me out.
We can all agree that in whatever setting we’re in, whether professional or personal, we are still human. And as humans, we have fundamental needs that drive our actions and our behavior. Regardless of title or role.
These “love languages” are your toolbox to satisfying these human needs and enhance connection in all your relationships.
And what this translates to in the workplace is…
greater levels of motivation, morale, engagement, connection, performance, fulfillment… the list goes on.
NOTE: If the words “Love Language” are hard for you to get passed, try substituting it with “Connection Language” or “Communication Tools” ;) … but I encourage you to not get bogged down by semantics here or risk overlooking its priceless benefits.
Now to save you time, allow me to jump into the WHY and HOW these “love languages” apply in the workplace, so you can start using them TODAY to enhance both your team performance and your personal work satisfaction overall.
Because this isn’t just about satisfying your team’s needs, but your own as well.
LOVE LANGUAGE #1: Words of Affirmation.
Corporate Speak: Recognition, Appreciation, Acknowledgement
WHY do it: Reduce stress, build trust, release feel good hormones dopamine, endorphins, boosting mood; all of which prime the environment for greater productivity and fulfillment.
HOW (What this looks like): praise, compliments, verbal & written thank you’s, encouragement, etc
Examples you might try:
“Thank you for getting that in on time… “
“Great presentation. I like how you…”
“Excellent point… I hadn’t thought about that…”
LOVE LANGUAGE #2: Quality Time
Corporate Speak: meaningful 1–1 conversations
NOTE: this can also include quality time with the immediate team or allowing flexible work hours and paid time off for quality time with their family; however, for the sake simplicity and time here, we’ll focus on just 1 on 1 Quality Time.
WHY do it: Builds trust & rapport. See small-improvement.com’s exhaustive list of benefits & tips by company role.
HOW (What this looks like): both formal and informal 1–1 conversations.
Examples you might try:
- FORMAL: 1–1 meetings where you discuss projects, making sure they know what you expect of them and WHY you, making sure they understand WHY the project is import, what support they need from you to succeed; ask for their input on how they feel the dynamics could be improved there,
- INFORMAL: Have an impromptu coffee date, a lunch date, or walk outside.
Do not underestimate the powerful impact of informal OFF-SITE 1–1 conversations. This is a chance to have less serious, non-work focused casual conversations and understand them as a person, and to allow them to understand YOU as a person. i.e. interests, aspirations, hobbies, passions, causes, dreams, etc.
LOVE LANGUAGE #3: Physical Touch
Corporate Speak: Non-verbal Praise, Acknowledgement, Encouragement
Don’t worry, no hugging required in this one ;) We’re talking about simple friendly touch that adds to the level of sincerity you’re trying to send across.
WHY do it: Builds rapport. Showing your human side, that you’re not a robot, and that you care. Strengthens connection. Reduces stress & anxiety.
HOW (What this looks like): a pat on the back. a tap on the arm.
It’s all about being genuine in your interactions. Touch is a natural gesture you do when you connect with others. The more authentic you are in showing up and in your communication with them, the more this will become second nature once again to you.
And if you’d like to explore this language of professional touch further, have a look at Clarence Cheong’s LinkedIn article where he talks about 3 key aspects to keep in mind: “Context, Timing, and Intensity”. Although the article’s focus is around the relationship between financial advisor and their clients, the constructs can be applied to any context.
LOVE LANGUAGE #4: Acts of Service
Corporate Speak: What can I do to help you succeed?
WHY do it: Rule of Reciprocity. When you do someone a solid without expecting anything in return, they feel you care and they want to do something for you in return.
And for you? when you do someone a favor, it releases feel-good hormones oxytocin and endorphin, which reduce stress and improve mood.
HOW (What this looks like):
The kind of support they need could range from helping mediate concerns, mentoring them on cross-functional collaboration; baselining on reasonable deadlines; lining up learning and growth opportunities, ways to bridge a gap in the required skills relating to their role.
In short, give them the resources they need to succeed in their job and feel fulfilled.
One “soft” act of service we often overlook is… effective communication of your expectations, so that they’re not caught by surprise by what you “didn’t say” you wanted.
In the words of Brené Brown: “Clear is kind. Unclear is Unkind.”
Be kind and set clear expectations of goals & objectives at the beginning of projects, at the beginning of the year, at the beginning of performance eval cycles… then, review them as often as necessary.
When in doubt, review them.
LOVE LANGUAGE #5: Receiving Gifts
Corporate Speak: Reward for good work. Career Advancement, Merit increase, Bonuses.
WHY do it: Rule of Reciprocity. When rewarded, this gives positive reinforcement and the recipient is motivated to do greater work seeing acknowledgement as a symbol of encouragement.
HOW (What this looks like):
This doesn’t have to be some grand lavish outpour of gifts.
It could be as small and simple as treating them to coffee, lunch or some small token of appreciation like an engraved pen telling them how lucky you are to have them on the team. OR even some fun gag gift as an inside joke you can both appreciate.
If your company has reward programs, make sure to use them frequently and promptly, whenever you see a characteristic, quality, behavior, or achievement that is deserving of praise — even if it’s not a member on your direct team.
In summary… once you identify what the love language of preference is for each individual you interact with in the workplace, and you engage with them in that language…
then you would not only fix your employee engagement problem or team productivity problem, but also help enhance workplace fulfillment for all.
And the good news? you don’t even have to ask them what their love language is.
You can figure out their preference based on one of these methods…
Method #1) Reflect on how they’ve responded to these languages in the past when you’ve used them. Which language has lifted their spirits?
Method #2) Experiment. Take an educated guess and schedule an opportunity to use that language with them.
Method #3) Use all languages with them so they become second nature to you with everyone you interact with. Make these a part of your regular programming that you come to actually enjoy.
Master these 5 languages to be an effective high-impact leader. 🎯
🚀 YOUR TURN
Time: 10-minute exercise
- What’s your love language at home, and at work? which of these 5 would satisfy your needs and support you most in feeling fulfilled in both work and life?
2. How about your direct reports or immediate team? Choose someone whom you can easily tell their primary “love language”.
What is ONE action you can commit to this week to “speak” that language with them?
3. Come back here at the end of this week and share your wins from doing this.
👇 Comment below your biggest takeaway from this article.
Lastly, and I’m speaking in the language of “Acts of Service” here…
What is your BIGGEST work challenge today, and what do you feel you need to succeed in working through it? 👇🚀
🎯 To gain the confidence & certainty that you can work through any work challenge, schedule your complimentary consult by FEB 12th
Respectfully,
-Kelly Borowski
Leadership & Performance Coaching & Consulting | Employee Engagement & Talent Management | Mind-Body-Spiritual Mentor
#employeeengagement #leadershipdevelopment #corporate #management #employeeretention #employeedevelopment #connection #fulfillment #lovelanguage
