You’re Not Addicted. You’re Distracted.
Here’s what you can do instead
No, you’re not addicted to sex.
No, you’re not addicted to drugs.
No, you’re not addicted to alcohol.
No, you’re not addicted to cigarettes.
No, you’re not addicted to binge eating.
No, you’re not addicted to binge watching on Netflix.
You’re not addicted. You’re distracted, or seeking a distraction.
You might be bored, or you might be looking for a way out of the reality that’s in front of you.
Whatever the cause, your mind is looking for a distraction from what you could be doing instead. And there isn’t an immediate more compelling distraction or activity to engage in to pull you away.
The reason why old habits persist and why we give into addictions is because there’s not something else we would rather be doing, and we think that distraction will fulfill some need. That it will somehow make us feel better or fill a void.
We need to understand which specific need we are trying to satisfy with that distraction.
Is it the need to feel safe, to feel alive, to feel like we matter, or to feel loved?
Or perhaps we’re seeking growth, connection, happiness, fulfillment?
If we knew ourselves enough to know the truth, that we are enough without external things to “complete” us, then we wouldn’t have this notion that we absolutely need something so badly.
If we’re feeling pretty good about ourselves on the inside, and we still give in to a distraction, a possible cause is boredom or a desire to delay an activity.
This distraction from something we should be doing is also known as procrastination.
But this isn’t an article about procrastination. We’ll save that for later. ;)
Missing Goals
The gap analysis we want to perform here is the gap between what we want to focus on and the distraction we give in to. To understand how to fill that gap, we need to understand where we really want to go in life, in order to find out what we should be doing to get there.
But for many of us we live without a clear goal, a directional compass. We let the compass run wild, instead of consciously pointing it in a direction of our choosing.
This trickles down into the way we live our lives day to day. Do we wake up with a plan for how the day will shape up? Or do we go with the flow and just sees what happens?
Days go by like this, soon weeks, months, years. Before we know it we’re 28, 39, 72 and we can’t remember what we had for breakfast that morning because we didn’t plan it. We forget what day of the week it is because we didn’t make plans for that day.
The desire for distraction resurfaces from lack of conscious planning and understanding of where we want to be. When we feel lost at sea, a goal can bring us back to shore, leading us to hope and purpose and ultimately fullfillment.
When we choose to follow an old “addiction” or habit, we are actually giving into distraction — not addiction. The desire for distraction creeps in when we don’t yet have a compelling reason that would hold our unwavering attention.
We need to replace the addiction with a new distraction — a goal.
We need a passionate burning desire to achieve a goal that we can’t take our minds off of.
Find that passion and goal.
When an addiction or desire for distraction is triggered, think of other activities you find joy in that make you feel alive, and consider doing those instead.
What’s a shiny interest or activity that I naturally gravitate toward?
Do I enjoy a walk along the beach? Can I do that instead?
Do I have a story I want to write? Can I start working on it for 5 minutes? 25 minutes?
Do I love how satisfying a run makes me feel afterward? Could I plan for that today?
Do I enjoy reading? Would I rather open a bag of chips? Well maybe you need a better book — with some suspense.
What is it that I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about working on and that I would do for free? (For me it’s writing and app design & development, since you asked.)
Think now, what did you do before you picked up that addictive habit or distraction of choice?
You weren’t always easily distracted by that particular thing yet you are now.
Goal Leads to Flow
Remember a time when you wanted to work on something so badly that you forgot to eat or sleep?
That is also know as Flow.
Flow is the state you want to be in most of the time.
Flow is the distraction you want.
Flow will keep you focused away from those so called addictions or distractions.
Warning: Positive side effects of flow may result.
Some positive side effects you’ll observe in flow and when you are working through sheer passion:
You’ll find yourself not easily perturbed by trivial qualms and experiences.
You’ll find yourself in a consistently better mood that lasts longer.
You’ll find yourself procrastinating less because you’ll feel called to get the things you needed to do out of the way so that you can move on to doing the things you want to do.
You’ll find yourself having more energy to focus on what’s important — whether it be quality time and conversation with family or working on that passion you have.
A goal or burning desire to achieve something will naturally lead to activities of flow, and hence away from a desire to do anything but the activity to get you closer to your goal.
Self-inquiry for Goal Setting
What do you enjoy talking to people about over and over again? What subject or activity sparks your enthusiasm in an instant? What do you enjoy teaching people about? What could you talk about all day long? Maybe you have a story to share of a challenge you overcame. Maybe you want to help others overcome similar challenges.
What will you choose to do next after this reading?
Your Turn
Here are a few short writing drills for fun. For each, write the first thing that comes to mind — do not overthink it.
Drill #1 (5min)
List the top 10–20 things you love doing. Then list the date you last did each of them. Then write the next date you will do them. When a desire for distraction comes up, do one of these things instead.
Drill #2 (5min)
If you had a choice of an imaginary life, what would it be and why? List up to 5 (e.g. astronaut, fireman, actor, etc). Are there desirable elements of these lives you could incorporate into your life?
Drill #3 (5min)
List 5 tasks or goals you wished to complete this week. Write whether you needed to do it or whether you wanted to do it. Schedule the ones you need to do first in the day. Then schedule the ones you want to do for later in the day. And enjoy the latter part of your day :)
I hope you had fun with these drills.
Send me a message with your experience. I read all messages.
As always, make yourself a great day.
Namaste
